Mother’s Day!

Standard

Happy Sunday! It’s Mother’s Day! It was a beautiful sunny drive to and from St. George’s this morning, but it’s raining here now, in Cobourg.  Oh well, after I managed to kill the dandelions in the front yard (and the grass around them!), we need some rain to help fix the grass!

I mixed up a recipe for the dandelion killing (vinegar, epsom salts and Dawn detergent) and it did work well. But as I said, it also killed the grass too.  Fortunately, I sprayed the dandelions directly and didn’t go crazy and spray everything.  We’ll see if I can get the grass to grow back where I killed it and get it growing enough to overcome the weeds.  I can hope!

Well, as we know, it’s Mother’s Day! Our minister today tiptoed around it carefully. He does have a point. Everyone has a mother, but not all remember their mothers fondly. Some children were given up at birth and were adopted by someone they became to know as their mother (that was me!). Some had mothers who were abusive, or alcoholics, or drug addicts (that was not me!), who probably should have given up their children to a mother who would have loved them and might have been better able to care for them.

I am not meaning to be judgemental. But as a single mother myself, I know there are challenges and if the best thing you can do for your child is to give them up, that’s okay. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother. Perhaps I should say that not everyone is cut out to be a mom, lots of women get to be a mother, but aren’t prepared to be a mom. It isn’t an easy job and no matter how healthy your kids are it can be a challenge.

On top of that, I give special praise to moms with children with challenges–physical and mental. Now that can be a real challenge and one of the most heart wrenching challenges of all. When I was expecting my first daughter, there was another woman in my church expecting a child.  Her first was born without a brain, only a brain stem, and the child was not expected to live for very long–possibly only days or weeks.  The little darling lived for three years and was loved and cared for every day of her short little life. Her mother was a very special soul.

So, I wish every mother out there a happy Mother’s day, and may your mothering be rewarding and teach you more that you ever knew you would know. I learned some interesting things, like; soup can be a finger food! Who saw that one coming?

And the greatest achievement a mother can ever have is seeing their children become strong and independent adults. I know that many kids the age of mine (27 and almost 25) still live at home. Both of my daughters are self supporting and rent their own condos in downtown Toronto. Even though I was a single parent from the time my youngest was four months old, my kids have grown into the kind of adults anyone would be proud of.  I did okay! I can pat myself on the back and say I did an alright job.  Yay me! I consider it to be my greatest achievement!

So, God bless all, especially all the moms out there, and may your Mother’s Day be great!

Advertisements

Mother’s Day Continued

Standard

Happy Saturday dear friends!  It’s quite rainy here in the resort town of Cobourg.  Tomorrow, I am headed to Huntsville with my honey.  He has a two day conference there on Monday and Tuesday, so we have a bit of a getaway!  But that is why I am doing my weekly blog on a Saturday, while my laundry is being taken care of my the washer and dryer upstairs.

I thought I would continue the Mother’s Day theme that I began last week, where you got to hear how I became a mother.  I left off where Gary left me to raise the girls on my own when Kaitlyn was four months old.  Well, that was over 23 years ago!  Quite a bit has happened since then!

Now I have two lovely women that I am proud to call my daughters!  They have both been living on their own for about four years, as they did not want to leave the city life, when I moved with my honey to the resort town of Cobourg.

I loved the time when they were little, we had a lot of fun.  I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, when they were almost two and four.  It was just another challenge thrown our way, but despite that and raising them on my own, we did a lot of things together and had a lot of fun.  They learned to bake from the time they were old enough to stand on a chair at the counter with me.  We did a lot of craft stuff over the years.  Essentially, I did the things that didn’t require much movement, as the MS slowed me down that way.

Their father did the park stuff.  At least he did for a while. When My oldest was 14, she decided that she could no longer take the negativity she got from her father.  No matter what she did, it seemed to be wrong to him.  They would spend every other weekend at his home, and then he would take them to dinner every Wednesday and tell them everything they did wrong.  Not fun.  It was difficult for Alysse to stop seeing him, as she adored him, but the negativity was just too much.  For Kaitlyn, because she didn’t remember him ever living with us and never really felt a connection, she was just as happy to never see him again.

So, then I was mother and father, I guess.  The plus side of that is that you can’t be criticized for the way you deal with your kids by the other parent, but the negative side is that it is entirely your own fault, if they become a burden to society.  It seems I did okay, that way.  At one time, I thought I was a great mother, then things happened and I thought I was an okay mother and then I thought I was a terrible mother.  It seems my kids have set me straight.  We have had discussions about it.  They, without even being pressed!, tell me that I was a great mother and that they have grown into strong women because of it.  That makes me very happy.

I hear a lot from my older daughter, not so much from my Kaitlyn.  But she was always the more independent one.  I don’t sit around waiting for contact.  I am just happy that they are able to manage on their own and know that they are missed and welcome to come visit any time.  I do try to get into the city to visit with them every now and then.

It is a wonderful thing to follow your children’s lives and know that you had a hand in who they have become and be able to be proud of that.  We have had our challenges through the years and we have learned from those and carried on.

My oldest, Alysse, as I have likely said before, is a hairstylist and a very good one.  She does mostly weddings and just loves it.  My youngest, Kaitlyn, just graduated from Ryerson University with a BComm in Retail Management.  She is currently working at Saks Fifth Avenue, but is looking for something in her chosen field, which I hope she finds!

Well, folks that wraps up this week’s blog.  I’ll have to think of a topic for next week, when I get to see my sister from British Columbia, with her lovely little daughter.  I am so looking forward to seeing them.

So, God bless all of you this week

Happy Mother’s Day!

Standard

It’s raining a bit here in the resort town of Cobourg, but a lovely Sunday none-the-less.  Being Mother’s Day, I thought it time to come clean, as it were, as to how I became a mother.

I have mentioned many times how I raised my girls on my own from the time my youngest was four months old.  But, how did I get there?

I was married to Gary in 1987.  We had talked about having kids sometime and although we both turned 29 that year, I didn’t feel the need to rush into having kids.  In 1989, Gary’s best friend and his wife had a son and Gary decided it was time for us to have kids. I would have prefered to wait for another year or two, but agreed.  I got pregnant fairly quickly and was settling into the idea of having our first child, which was due late in March of 1990.

When I was about eight months pregnant, Gary confessed to me that he was seeing someone else.  I was devastated and gave serious consideration to giving up the child for adoption, because I truly believed that two parents would have more success at raising a child than one.  Gary said that he and Litsa would raise the child.  Well, that was it!  I wasn’t about to have that woman raise my child, so I prepared myself for what I expected to be single parenting.

I should point out that although I am pro choice, I could never abort my own child and at eight months along, it wasn’t possible anyway.  I just knew myself and if I took one look at the child, I would never be able to let go, so it was either give my baby to Gary and Litsa to raise, or do my best.

It turned out that Litsa dumped Gary, because she was feeling guilty about the whole thing, so Gary stayed with me, and I consoled him over the breakup–I’m such an idiot!  Well, time goes on and I’m feeling like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, wondering if Gary will stray again.

In 1991, Gary asks me to have another child.  I pondered on that for about three months, because I was never sure that he was going to stay, but motherhood got the better of me and I agreed to have number two, because I really wanted two kids anyway.  Well, by the time I was into the second pregnancy, I knew things weren’t right again, although I couldn’t seem to drag it out of him.  By the time I went into labor, I debated whether or not to even tell him, or just go and have the child on my own, as I expected to be on my own anyway.  Well, I did tell him and he spent the time at the hospital on the phone for work.  So, I pretty much had my second on my own.

When Kaitlyn was a week and a half old, Gary had been particularly sharp with Alysse several times that day, so I sat him down and dragged it out of him.  He was leaving and I was to raise the girls on my own.  He told me that he never loved me and that he thought that having kids would make it better.  I have always thought that was more of a female view, but what the heck do I know anyway.

Well, Gary moved out when Kaitlyn was four months old and Alysse was 19 months old, and I have raised the girls on my own.  I don’t regret a moment of it!  I enjoyed every achievement they ever had and was there to dry every tear.  They are my life and although we have been through many challenges together, all three of us are the stronger for it.

So, it seems that although I was talked into becoming a mother and then left to do it all myself, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I send blessings to every mother out there.  Going it alone can be more of a challenge than sharing the load, but we have all done the best that we can.  God bless!

Happy Mother’s Day

Standard

To all the mothers out there! May God bless all of you and may you enjoy this day set aside to honor all of you!
I lost my mother almost ten years ago. She was the mother who chose me because I was given up for adoption at birth.
My mother was not perfect and neither am I at this job of being a mother. In my mother’s case, the challenge was raising eight kids, with the help of my father. In my case, it was raising two kids, without the help of their father.
We all have challenges in life and the legacy we leave behind is the legacy of rising to those challenges and doing the best job, not in spite of those challenges, but actually because of them. Bring it on! My mother and I both had health challenges as well. Mom had heart issues and I have multiple sclerosis. Did we let that stop us? No! We managed to carry on and do what needed to be done.
That isn’t to say that we didn’t hit bumps in the road and have detours thrown at us, but we dealt with those bumps and detours as best we could and we, and our kids, are all the better for it.
I would like to think that my kids see that strength in me, to get through every challenge with my head held high, ready for the next bump or detour in the road. I would also like my kids to know that no matter what challenge they hit, I am here for them. I may not always know the answer, but I know how to find answers and I know how to help them figure things out.
So, honor your mothers today. They weren’t all perfect, but I’m sure they did the best they could with their challenges and remember; whether you believe in nature or nurture, part you came from your mother!
God bless all the mothers today!